The Married Life of Sania

The day Sania married the man that is now her husband was the worst mistake she made in all the years she spent on earth till now.

She recalled when one of her sisters introduced that stranger to her. She did not see his face that day. Just perceived him from the back. Her sister encouraged her to talk to him, to exchange her number with him. Sania was not interested in being maried yet but when you are single and of an age that people think you SHOULD get married , they won’t leave you in peace.

She does not remember wether she accepted to give her number heartfully or was it to please the people who pressured her in getting to know that man? Then, Sania and that stranger had a chat via their phones. She noticed from the beginning the weird opinions he had of Islam. He was a convert but believed in an Islam different from what she had learnt in madrasa. She ceased to talk to that man and told her sister about the issue she encountered through the SMS she exchanged with that man. She knew he was not her other half and that things would not work betwen them.

However , her sister invited her to talk to that stranger again and to be patient with him. That was what Sania did and she wish she never ever did that.

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It has been three years since Sania felt as if she were traped in her mariage. She was with a man whom she never understood and who never understood her either. Her husband believed in the fact that any man could be with any woman and that compatibility was just a lie people refered to so that a couple could make things work together. Sania’s husband like many men loved to control and to be right. To succeed in his affairs, religion was his reference to impose his opinions on his wife. He did not mind to use any coranic verse or hadith just for his own interest without looking for its true meaning and its right interpretation.

Sania knew that Islam was a beautiful religion but from the day she married that man, she could hardly find solace in it because it was the tool her husband utilized to shape her mind the way he wanted her to think. What to do? Where to go? How to go ahead in life? Sania had no answer. In fact she lost the ability to think by herself as she was forced to accept the ideas and opinions of someone else.

When she wanted to leave her mental persecutor, Sania’s husband would always say that he was a gift for her and that no other man could make her happier. Poor man, he did not realize how he made his wife become a lifeless person. A soul who little by little was losing  the colors that composed her happiness. She was tired to fake emotions she did not feel. She was depressed to be intimate with a man she did not love.

But sometimes, when she is alone, she dreams of having another life.She dreams of being with a man who can make her happy, she dreams of having a family life with a “normal” person who won’t use religion to explain his weaknesses, opinions and failures in life.

May Allah bring that person into your life dear Sania. Ameen.

Mini Stories: Faith Lost?

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Before meeting that particular person, she was able to prayer and managed to behave correctly with others. She always found time to dedicate to her Lord and loved performing supererogatory acts of worship. She always thanked God with whatever He gave her let it be bad or good because she knew that one day she would be rewarded with better gifts from the Almighty.

Few months after her marriage, she was no longer able to pray regularly. There were days when she thought Islam was oppressing her. If she prayed, she did hastily. Found that time went so fast. So many things to do and yet not much time available. Between her husband and her child, she lost herself. Thought that if there was a little time why not use it for her instead of her Lord.

One day, she stopped everything and meditated: “Why am I not able to be as pious as I were before being married to that man? Is it my fault or am I with the wrong person? Long ago, no matter what trials befell on me, I thanked God and could be strong thanks to His help. Now I have distanced myself from Him, I sometimes hate His religion. I have the feeling I lost all the knowledge I had of Islam. I am lost in this marriage. I heard that a Muslim should watch out who he/she mixes with because one person is enough to bring the best out of you or to awaken  the worst out of you. But on the other hand, Allah says

Do the people think that they will be left to say, “We believe” and they will not be tried?But We have certainly tried those before them, and Allah will surely make evident those who are truthful, and He will surely make evident the liars. {Surah 29; verse 2-3 }

I am scared that I might be a hypocrite. I don’t know wether I am with the wrong person or wether my marriage is a test to reveal that I am not a truthful believer.

© Fateema Abdallah