The Truth About “Quiet” Verbal Abuse

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Asalam Alaykoum everyone. I am sharing an article which I think is very interesting for parents. It is about verbal abuse towards children, it is not about yelling but about ignorance, silence or the utterance of criticism in a calm voice. This article explains that quiet verbal abuse is as destructive as yelling given the fact that it leads to a loss of self confidence in the child, along with other negative consequences that can have an impact when the child is an adult.

It is very impoortant that as parents we inform ourselves about such issues as we are the pillars that will help our children to grow and become the adults who will live and act in tomorrow’s society.

Here is the article: The Truth about “Quiet” Verbal Abuse.

That Awesome Feeling You Have When You are The Only One Awaken

There are mornings I try to wake up before my son and these are oh so lovely times. While browsing the net or doing anything else alone, I enjoy the soft ray lights, not too hot, very caressing and tender. It is a delight to hear the birds singing, no many cars outside, no neighbours talking loudly.

Not to forget that my lil monster is still sleeping, so I enjoy my lonely time as much as I can before he wakes up and makes me become crazyyyyy. So each morning, you got me feeling like:

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Mini Stories: I am failing as a Mother

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She sat everyday on her chair reviewing her house and how to set it tidy but she failed. That was not her only failure. “I am failing as a mother” she thought. She looked at her son playing alone, it was not the only day when he used to do that. It was everyday the same pattern, a pattern that mentally exhausted her. She wondered when she would break down, when would that terrible day come when she would yell, cry or throw everything away. “When and how did I go wrong?” she questioned herself.

She saw and heard about other women, they were strong and not coward like her. She is a woman. NO she is a mother and a wife. So it was a duty for her to forget herself and she’d rather focus on her family first. However, there was something wrong with that, people expected too much from her. Was she right or did she simply refuse to assume her responsibilities?

Wtd0gtdfShe needed help, she wanted some time for her please. But her husband would never understand “A woman has to look after children. Why did you even wish to have a child if you can’t take care of one?” That was the common reprimand she would get when asking for help. She thought “I know I am a mother but I am first and foremost an individual. I need some time for me” It was the same story when she confided in her sisters, they would reply “That’s what a woman has to do. It’s life, you should accept it.” She wondered why society went on instilling to people the idea that every woman could by herself look after a child without the help of others. And yet, in the hospital people were ready to help her. There were professionals who understood the psychological status of a woman after giving birth. How strange life is! Unknown people empathize with you while your own family say you are not doing well as a mother.

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Her only family was her husband. Her mother lived far in another city. When she offered some help by looking after her grandchild, his father would say NO. He expected HIS wife to look after the child. No matter how she felt inside, she had to be strong for her child. As for him, he could not help because he had something else to do. It is normal for men not to be able to stay with children alone, that is a woman’s task.

Well, she tried her best to do what she was compelled to do. On some days her face was sunny, on other days it was reflecting the storm inside of her. She read that the other mothers affirmed that they never cried in front of their children. They managed to bring sunshine into their babies’ life no matter what were their difficulties. She tried to be like these women but she failed.

“I am failing as a mother, as a wife and as a woman” that is what she concluded. Was it her fault? Her husband’s fault? She had no answer…

© Fateema Abdallah

Sisters, How do you manage Ramadan with Children?

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Last year was the first Ramadan I spent as a mother and unfortunately it did not go well at all. This was the Ramadan when I had to manage between being a wife, a mother and trying to find time for acts of worship but I still did not find out how to do that properly.

That is why I am asking help from my sisters, please can you tell me how do you manage your days during the month of Ramadan while being a wife and mother? If you already have written a post about it, you can paste the link in the comment section. I really need your help so that this year I can get many rewards during the upcoming month of Ramadan.

What Parents Should Teach To Children About Sex at an Early Age

Asalam Alaykum everyone, I am sharing some parenting tips related to sex that I found on a Facebook page. To me they are very interesting  especially in a world where child sexual abuse is increasing. On the other hand while some parents might think that a child is too young to be taught these kind of tips I retort that “NO HE/SHE is not too young”.

Let me give you an example and sorry for that: when I or my husband get out of the bathroom, our son always points at our private parts and he is only 17 months old. Another example is I have a sister who when she was 1 or 2 years old she pointed at my brother’s private parts ( he was 4 or 5 years old at that time) when he was bathing. So having these situations in my mind I am all the more convinced that indeed we must teach our children at an early age what is right or not about sex.

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1. Warn your Girl Child Never to sit on anyone’s laps no matter the situation including uncles.

2. Avoid Getting Dressed in front of your child once he/she is 2 years old. Learn to excuse them or yourself.

3. Never allow any adult refer to your child as ‘my wife’ or ‘my husband’

4. Whenever your child goes out to play with friends make sure you look for a way to find out what kind of play they do, because young people now sexually abuse themselves.

5. Never force your child to visit any adult he or she is not comfortable with and also be observant if your child becomes too fond of a particular adult.

6. Once a very lively child suddenly becomes withdrawn you may need to patiently ask lots of questions from your child.

7. Carefully educate your grown ups about the right values of sex . If you don’t, the society will teach them the wrong values.

8: It is always advisable you go through any new Material like cartoons you just bought for them before they start seeing it themselves.

9. Ensure you activate parental controls on your cable networks and advice your friends especially those your child(ren) visit(s) often.

10. Teach your 3 year olds how to wash their private parts properly and warn them never to allow anyone touch those areas and that includes you (remember, charity begins from home and with you).

11: Blacklist some materials/associates you think could threaten the sanity of your child (this includes music, movies and even friends and families).

12. Let your child(ren) understand the value of standing out of the crowd.

13: Once your child complains about a particular person, don’t keep quiet about it. Take up the case and show them you can defend them.

Qbepiams