I had watched a video of a sister on Youtube. She was talking about her marriage at a young age and gave many pieces of advice. One of the advice I liked was “Know yourself first before letting someone in your life“. The time she said it I totally agreed and admitted the mistake I had done before marrying.
People know that compatibility is one of the main ingredients for a couple to live together. If both spouses are not on a same wavelength the relation between them may be very complex, and with time, living together may become impossible. That is why if you dedicate a period in my life to get to know who you are, once the answer is found you will know with who you can get along and what kind of man/woman is suitable for you.
In my case, I married to leave my parents’ home but in the end it was not the best decision. Anyway what is done is done. I am addressing myself to the ladies out there who want to get married quickly, please take the time to know yourself first, know what you want in life, try to build and maintain your self confidence so that no man may come in the future to make you feel you are worthy of nothing. Learn about your rights in islam, your duties too. You are a human being, don’t forget that. Many of us feel deep in our heart that we are sent on this earth to fulfill a mission and very often the spouse we choose to be with act as an obstacle to what we have to do. So to avoid living a life full of frustration, know yourself first before letting someone in.
In her book entitled Initiating and Upholding an Islamic Marriage, Ustadha Hedaya Hartford says:
A successful marriage is not a complicated proposition but a jihad against egotism waged by mastering the same few “integrals of success” – patience, self-sacrifice, good humor, and effort. All this, in the path of pleasing and obeying, first and last, Allah and His Messenger (Salallahu Alayhi wa Salam)
I am sharing the tips I got as an email from Pure Matrimony about the 10 commandments of a Happy Marriage. You can subscribe to their website, you will find plenty of advice to have a healhy marriage in sh Allah!
#1 Thou shalt show respect
Every individual deserves respect – ESPECIALLY your spouse
#2 Thou shalt be affectionate
Love make the world go around, so show your spouse you love them and don’t be shy. Hold hands, kiss your spouse goodbye and hold on a little longer when you hug
#3 Thou shalt communicate
Your spouse is not a mind reader! Tell your spouse what you need and clearly communicate this to them
#4 Thou shalt forgive
No one is perfect and a good marriage thrives on forgiving and letting go
#5 Thou shalt be kind
A happy marriage takes two people who are kind to one another – always
#6 Thou shalt be appreciative
There is nothing worse than being taken for granted. A simple thank you is all it takes
#7 Thou shalt be loyal
You should only ever have eyes for your spouse as if they are the most important person in your whole world
#8 Thou shalt find balance
A good marriage has balance between work, friends, family and each other as well as time for yourself
#9 Thou shalt be honest
The fastest way for your spouse to lose trust in you is when you hide or lie about major things in your home. It simply isn’t worth it
#10 Thou shalt make decisions together
It is from the sunnah to consult with one another in all big decisions – and doing so increases your love and respect for one another