There are moments in your life when things go on in a very strange way but behind all this God is actually teachings you something, shedding light on those dark questions you’re asking yourself.
It started few days ago, at a time when I was totally lost and confused and I asked myself “Am I a mad person ? Never in my life I felt so confused, I cannot complete even the simpliest task…” and the self analysis went on and on. I then went on internet and boom, in some way and I don’t really know how, I came across an article which was describing the list techniques used by a manipulative person. The article mainly focused on men as being manipulators but I believe women can manipulate too.
So, everything became clear. A manipulator is someone who eventually ends being violent but in my case it did not happen. What was striking was the fact that some of the techniques listed on that article I could recognize them in my ex husband : blurred communication, changing what I really said and saying that I actually said what I did not say, blaming me for his faults, making me understand that he was the best one for me and that he knew what was good for me, making sure that I felt guilty for everything…
Then, I read many other articles on controlling husbands but I still wondered wether my ex was really one as he was not a violent person. Meanwhile I was becaming someone else, I felt like I was losing my mind while being by his side. There were days I no longer knew how to think by myself. It is unbelievable how such persons can keep you under control and I had read that some women took years to realize what was really happening.
Back to the title of the present article, it is that of a movie The Girl on the Train by Tate Taylor. It is a movie I watched while not having read the synopis, I was actually attracted by the sad face of the woman leaning her face against the window of the train. So you can’t imagine how astonished I was when I came to realize that it was about a woman discovering that her ex husband had been manipulating her and that he managed to make her believe in things she never did by forcing her to drink.
Why am I writing this post ? I don’t know about other women but from the day I had met my ex husband I never really found my place. There was always that man who told me what to do, how to behave and even HOW I SHOULD FEEL. If I needed some alone time I could not because it was my duty to look after our son. My mother always asked why I did not let our child with her for few days so I could rejuvenate. The answer is simple, my son’s father would not want it this way. As a consequence, even though I left him, I feel disgust for marriage, I see my pregnancy and experience as a mother like a disaster. I still can’t believe that in this world there are people who won’t mind using all the means they want so that you become what they want you to be. I dislike men who act like this and I cannot comprehend why most of you want to possess women as if we were just some objects. Damn it, we are human beings with dreams and goals, we can think , we can make choice and decide by ourselves – but some of you just come in our life with a distorted reality to keep us under control. Why ? All this for purely nurturing your ego and making you feel powerful.
On a good note, like Rachel in The Girl on the Train, I’m looking forward and I stop to look back because I know what I am worthy of and what is good for me or not.