The Truth About “Quiet” Verbal Abuse

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Asalam Alaykoum everyone. I am sharing an article which I think is very interesting for parents. It is about verbal abuse towards children, it is not about yelling but about ignorance, silence or the utterance of criticism in a calm voice. This article explains that quiet verbal abuse is as destructive as yelling given the fact that it leads to a loss of self confidence in the child, along with other negative consequences that can have an impact when the child is an adult.

It is very impoortant that as parents we inform ourselves about such issues as we are the pillars that will help our children to grow and become the adults who will live and act in tomorrow’s society.

Here is the article: The Truth about “Quiet” Verbal Abuse.

“The Modern Marriage Trap — and What to Do About It” by Lisa Wade

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I am sharing an article I have just read. It is about the fact that women are being unappy in their marriage. According Lisa Wade the reason is simple: they have to think for others (household chores, planning things, taking care of children; cooking dinner, ect…) and feel they have no time left for them. Personally I agree with most of the points mentioned by the author as when I was married I felt I was losing myself and my mind because of busying my mind for the family to run right. In the end it was tiring.

To read more: “The Modern Marriage Trap — and What to Do About It” by Lisa Wade

In fact, according to research, the average married woman is less happy than the average married man, less happy than single women, less convinced that married people are happier than single people, and more likely to file for divorce. Once returned to single life, women’s happiness recovers, whereas men’s declines, and divorced women are less eager to remarry than divorced men.

Also  read : “The Invisible Workload That Drags Women Down” by Lisa Wade

Sociologist Susan Walzer published a research article in 1996, called “Thinking About the Baby,” pointing to this household gender gap. Scholars had already documented that women, even those who worked full time, were doing the majority of what came to be called the “second shift”: the work that greets us when we come home from work.

The Girl on The Train

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There are moments in your life when things go on in a very strange way but behind all this God is actually teachings you something, shedding light on those dark questions you’re asking yourself.

It started few days ago, at a time when I was totally lost and confused and I asked myself “Am I a mad person ? Never in my life I felt so confused, I cannot complete even the simpliest task…” and the self analysis went on and on. I then went on internet and boom, in some way and I don’t really know how, I came across an article which was describing the list techniques used by a manipulative person. The article mainly focused on men as being manipulators but I believe women can manipulate too.

So, everything became clear. A manipulator is someone who eventually ends being violent but in my case it did not happen. What was striking was the fact that some of the techniques listed on that article I could recognize them in my ex husband : blurred communication, changing what I really said and saying that I actually said what I did not say, blaming me for his faults, making me understand that he was the best one for me and that he knew what was good for me, making sure that I felt guilty for everything…

Then, I read many other articles on controlling husbands but I still wondered wether my ex was really one as he was not a violent person. Meanwhile I was becaming someone else, I felt like I was losing my mind while being by his side. There were days I no longer knew how to think by myself. It is unbelievable how such persons can keep you under control and I had read that some women took years to realize what was really happening.

Back to the title of the present article, it is that of a movie The Girl on the Train by Tate Taylor. It is a movie I watched while not having read the synopis, I was actually attracted by the sad face of the woman leaning her face against the window of the train. So you can’t imagine how astonished I was when I came to realize that it was about a woman discovering that her ex husband had been manipulating her and that he managed to make her believe in things she never did by forcing her to drink.

Why am I writing this post ? I don’t know about other women but from the day I had met my ex husband I never really found my place. There was always that man who told me what to do, how to behave and even HOW I SHOULD FEEL. If I needed some alone time I could not because it was my duty to look after our son. My mother always asked why I did not let our child with her for few days so I could rejuvenate. The answer is simple, my son’s father would not want it this way. As a consequence, even though I left him, I feel disgust for marriage, I see my pregnancy and experience as a mother like a disaster. I still can’t believe that in this world there are people who won’t mind using all the means they want so that you become what they want you to be. I dislike men who act like this and I cannot comprehend why most of you want to possess women as if we were just some objects. Damn it, we are human beings with dreams and goals, we can think , we can make choice and decide by ourselves – but some of you just come in our life with a distorted reality to keep us under control. Why ? All this for purely nurturing your ego and making you feel powerful.

On a good note, like Rachel in The Girl on the Train, I’m looking forward and I stop to look back because I know what I am worthy of and what is good for me or not.

 

Some updates about me

Asalam Alaykoum everyone, how are you doing. It feels good to be able to right again Alhamdulillah.

The last post I wrote dates back to the month of July right and I’m amazed that even though I did not update my blog from that day, I still get subscribers mash Allah.

 

So what was I doing during all that time? Well lot of things 😀 First of all I got divorced, don’t be sad for me because it was really a good decision. I’m in good terms with the father of my son (I don’t like saying “my ex” because it implies that there is still a relation, a link between both of us), anf I have noticed that from the time we got divorced things started to go well for each of us.

Secondly I was admitted to a selective Master in which students are trained to be teachers. It was hard in the beginning because of the huge amount of work we are asked to do but Alhadulillah I am getting used to it. This is the kind of life I always looked for. I mean I hate the fact of just staying at home doing nothing but household chores. My brain needs to practice, to learn and to think crtically. I love to know about new things, I am a curious person and I am fond of the fact of being surrounded by books or to dissect a text. Deep inside of me, I always felt  that is what I am made for and what is surprising is the way things turned out, which definitely appears as a sign of God who enabled me to pursue my dream/aim.

As I saw that the father of my son was not interested in working so as to provide the necessary for his family I thought I’ll do it myself. This is unbelievable how some men manage to brainwash women about how they should be and how they should act while they don’t show the proper behaviour. Anyway, now things are finished I am happy to have my own flat, I feel extremely good away from him.

I missed you dear friends: Fatma, Michelle and Farheen. I’ll come and visit your blog in sh Allah. Love you all and thanks again for being there new and old subscribers.

© Fateema Abdallah

Taking a Pause from Blogging

Asalam Alaykum everyone, how are you doing? As you might have noticed I haven’t updated my blog lately. There are actually many things going on in life right now. I don’t even think so many things happened at once at the same time earlier in my life lol.

So what has been keeping me busy?

  1. My son was circumcised. He is doing fine now running, playing, being happy.
  2. He will be going to school for the first time, so we are preparing all that.
  3. I am pursuing my studies to become an English teacher, classes will start in August.
  4. I was looking for a flat near to university and this at the very last time. Alhamdulillah I got one.
  5. Not to forget all the amount of official papers that come with all the above mentioned events

So for some time I don’t think my blog will be updated but I will still be active in checking out other blogs and interacting with my friends in sh Allah.

Have a nice day and see you soon.