How does it feel to be in love? My heart is impermeable to that feeling. It is a stone that does not melt.
What is it like to have butterflies in one’s tummy? I remember that once I had some in mine but the doors of my hear were so wide open that the butterflies went away.
Where are the nights when I used to think of you before sleeping. Why don’t the soft mornings come back again? I needed them to start a new day. You gave me the strength to cope with everything. By your side, I felt beautiful. With your love flowing inside of me I felt alive.
I miss that smile on my face looking at your pictures or reading your messages. I used to keep your words in a box, they were my own jeweleries, my treasure. And anytime I needed you, I would open it to find comfort in your written speeches. I read them many times, again and again, but I forgot to learn them by heart.
I am looking for those days when after our silly little fights our love grew stronger. How stupid I was to be sure that I would spend my life with you. We went as far as inventing a child of our own. It was a girl named Cutie. She existed only for you and me. She was part of our madness. Alas! She disappeared as soon as we ended our love story. Like a ghost turned into dust, she was blown away by the wind of time.
You went, I stayed and waited. You found another lady. My sadness forced me to step into the future and to leave you in the past. I hated you. Why does love replace hate in many cases? I don’t know the reason.
I offered my love to someone else. I forgot you. I thought I forgot you. One day, my path came across yours. It was like a junction where the past mixed with the present and then I remembered everything.
Is it a shame for one to dream or think about someone who is not his/her spouse? You said you were happy for me, happy that I did not wait for you and went ahead in life. I wish you to be happy too.
But still, a part of you remained in my heart. With time, you’ll probably fade away from me. A part of me is there with you no matter where you are. Without you, I will always feel incomplete.
© Fateema Abdallah