Gone are the Days …

image002-1.gif picture by UpLoad2me

Gone are the days when I lived alone with few money.

I was limited in buying things but I was content with what I had.

Now I have more money and yet I am unhappy.

What I get is never enough. Shopping acts like a drug for me.

image002-1.gif picture by UpLoad2me

Gone are the days when alone I could visit places dominated by nature.

I loved to close my eyes, to listen to the songs of the birds and the trees and

to feel the wind caress my face.

Now I am always stuck at home, my soul soaked in boredom.

My mind is shaken by depressive and lethal thoughts.

image002-1.gif picture by UpLoad2me

Gone are the days when I had time left to do what I wanted, to look after myself.

I was very productive and creative. I knew what I wanted and managed to take

the best decisions for me.

Now that I no longer know how to look after myself, how can I take care of my child?

Taking decisions is a hard task for me. I have become a lethargic person.

image002-1.gif picture by UpLoad2me

Gone are the days when I ran to God anytime I had troubles in my life or to thank Him

for whatever He gave me.

I had trust in Him and was persistent in asking what I wanted.

Now, in my conscience there is a confusing fight between good and evil.

I am not able to pray properly, why have I become such a bad and weak person?

image002-1.gif picture by UpLoad2me

© Fateema Abdallah

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12 thoughts on “Gone are the Days …

  1. Do remember Marriage is like a jihad. Its a jihad with time with people around us. I agree with sana we should read astagfar whenever we feel shaitan is diverting us or changing our mood to devil thoughts. May Allah accept all our good deeds small or big.

    • I am aware that marriage is like a jihad sis, i just realized I might not be with the right person because from our the time I met him and married I no longer progressed in islam. But oh well, that would serve me right.

      • It happens dear. Even after my marriage I faced the same thing. I left my tasbih, many dhikr just to complete my household work or to please my hubby. Alhumdulillah my hubby himself is a practicing muslim. But he too never encouraged me to do something more for Allah. And this continued till my daughter was 3 years old 😦 But Alhumdulillah now my daughter has little bit grown up.So now I’m able to take out some time for ibadah. If she disturbs me then I take her along with me for reciting tasbih and let her read whatever tasbih comes her in mind.
        Even after 5 yrs of marriage I still find my hubby does not encourage me for more ibadah or guide me for any sunnah. But we can’t igonore other aspects of our husband. We need to neglect somethings and do dua to Allah swt that he makes our husband and us like those people whom he loves.
        And don’t you worry once your child will grow up. in sha Allah you will start doing ibadat again. Till then remember each of your tasks for your child, for your hubby is also a kind of ibadat. And whatever work you do, keep on reciting tasbih. In sha Allah you will find satisfaction and peace. Keep on giving sadaqah. In short do small small ibadat. Allah never told us to do big ibadats. He is there to see our intentions. :). May Allah help each one of us.

      • Jazak Allah sister for your advice, it really helped me. I did not know many women experienced that. How selfish I am.

      • hmm..same I used to think but now i’m sure there are many who faces this issue.so u are not selfish. Its satan who makes us depressed and deviates us.

    • Ameen sister. May Allah help you too with whatever difficulties you are going through too 🙂

  2. This is such a powerful piece. Quite often I find myself I a similar situation. I guess, these are just phases and perhaps we are the closest to Allah in times of disparity. That’s why they say, the greatest trial of Imaan lies in good times. Perhaps, we don’t realise that 🙂

    May Allah help us being steadfast. Ameen

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